he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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