Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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