My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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