Redeem this text for a blowjob
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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