Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
