he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
