I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
