i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
you never un-have a 4some
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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