I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
