So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
