the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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