Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
