its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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