he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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