Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
