Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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