What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
kristin has been a bad kristin
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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