Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.