I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.