Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...