ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing