Apparently you make a good broom.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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