if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.