In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
