he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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