Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard. http://tfl.nu/47cs
  Replies (13) Good night (3330) Bad night (1582)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor http://tfl.nu/enmw
  Replies (4) Good night (2462) Bad night (1330)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there. http://tfl.nu/x13b
  Replies (5) Good night (847) Bad night (2183)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time. http://tfl.nu/qrqx
  Replies (7) Good night (2490) Bad night (914)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft. http://tfl.nu/aaf2
  Replies (3) Good night (3170) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/on2x
  Replies (4) Good night (1431) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though. http://tfl.nu/ai8a
  Replies (7) Good night (1512) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees. http://tfl.nu/qlcd
  Replies (2) Good night (1408) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face. http://tfl.nu/ob45
  Replies (6) Good night (957) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (283): View more from Ohio

  $645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (283): $645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper. http://tfl.nu/b2q3
  Replies (6) Good night (541) Bad night (1263)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/ilw7
  Replies (1) Good night (821) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver http://tfl.nu/fqhq
  Replies (2) Good night (1042) Bad night (481)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  I AM VODKA MAN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): I AM VODKA MAN http://tfl.nu/r5if
  Replies (5) Good night (822) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height. http://tfl.nu/0pmh
  Replies (10) Good night (697) Bad night (420)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down http://tfl.nu/721s
  Replies (2) Good night (167) Bad night (236)

Randomize