ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.