no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
