That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
