If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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