What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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