u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
