I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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