First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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