yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
