you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
