Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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