actually, I'm a sock model
...so i touched it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
