you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
