I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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