Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
