He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
