i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
