so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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