can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
