quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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