He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
