yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
