Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
