Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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