Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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