Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
