I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
its not stalking. its research.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
