cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize