You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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