Where are you?
In a non slutty way
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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