Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
