do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My vagina just recognized that song.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on