watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
