I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
