it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
