Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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