Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
