I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
