we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
