He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
