You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
