I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
