i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
