it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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