I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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