What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
