is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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