weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
