K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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