totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize