I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
