yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
