she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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