sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
