We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
