You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
