What tipped you off? The sombrero?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
