Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
