I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
