come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
