i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
