Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
