He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
