He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
