when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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