Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
